Loneliness as a CEO and how to deal with it.

Being a CEO can be lonely, especially when difficult decisions must be taken and implemeted. This episode offers suggestions to deal with loneliness as a CEO based on Philip's extensive experience as a CEO where he has had to deal with many real-life difficult situations.

For more information relating to the podcast and how you can gain access to advisory services to assist you with your business, see www.lseconsulting.net.au

The Loneliness of a CEO

Welcome to the CEO Thinking podcast. I'm Philip Belcher, a successful CEO and CEO, mentor, advisor, and business consultant. On this podcast, I provide insights to inspire ideas for CEOs, directors, and senior managers to use as they lead their businesses to achieve outstanding results.

I've applied these ideas to start, grow, turn around, and successfully exit businesses as well as to mentor my clients that have achieved great results. I regularly host eminent special guests who share their experiences and ideas to inspire CEO's.

If my guests and I can use these ideas successfully, you can use them too.

In this episode of CEO Thinking I am going to talk about the CEO as a person, discussing how at times it is a lonely role and offering some advice on how to deal with the feelings that ‘come with the job’. You may not be a CEO, so I offer this to you to give you some insight into what your CEO may be experiencing so that you can assist them as they deal with their duties as a CEO.

The following is my personal opinion and not professional advice. If you are grappling with issues in anyway regarding your role or life in general, please immediately seek professional assistance. In Australia contact Lifeline (13 11 14), Beyond Blue (1300 22 46 36) or any other professional support service in your location. For those of you listening around the world, seek out support services to talk to. You are not alone.

Let me start off by saying that the top job does not have to be lonely.

I was recently meeting with a CEO over coffee and discussing the current challenging stage of their business. At the beginning of our discussions, the CEO stated: “It’s a lonely job being a CEO”. The statement prompted me to consider the personal side of being a CEO and to reflect on my experiences in the many positions that I have held.

I have been privileged to lead a wide range of businesses. These cover a wide range of businesses that include my own small start-ups, Australian private companies, Australian public companies, and the Australasian and Asia Pacific businesses of multinational IT companies. During these roles, I have experienced the loneliness that comes with the “CEO” role. I have found that I am not unique in experiencing this loneliness. Business relationships, friendships, and mentoring many other CEOs reinforce my personal experience that from time to time, loneliness as a CEO comes with the position.

Let’s consider why CEOs get lonely?

Being a CEO is a privileged position that many people aspire to achieve. It is a long, hard career to become a CEO with significant rewards, both in remuneration and prestige. Whilst the rewards are attractive, the role is not for everyone given that along with the privileges comes significant responsibility, sacrifice and risk.

The CEO role is a ‘dilemma triangle’ between attracting, then satisfying customers, providing appropriate returns for the business owners, and ensuring the livelihoods of the people that work for the organisation. Add to this the ethical and statutory requirements and the role is a day to day ‘tight rope’.

As the leader of the business, the CEO is responsible for constantly steering the organisation toward its vision whilst ensuring there is a clear strategy that is continuously being effectively executed.

Navigating this potential mine field often requires decisions that cannot be shared, even with the closest members of the people within the organisation.

For example, market conditions may dictate that areas of the business are no longer viable. This can lead to the need for tough decisions to be made that could include any, or all of, cutting the loss-making divisions, shrinking the overheads of the business, or re-focussing/moving the business to a more viable market. It may not be possible to discuss this with any members of the Board or senior executive until there are sufficient facts available to formulate a draft strategy to address the issues. In this instance the CEO enters a ‘twilight zone’ where they must consider the situation, including their own position, in isolation. The CEO knows that they must act however any choice they make will have significant impact on many people and the ongoing wellbeing of the organisation. Their own tenure and reputation may well be at risk depending on their decisions.

As an example of this personal risk, one of the CEO roles I held was for a professional services company. I was hired as CEO by two founding owners to assist them to grow their business which was very successful, and they wanted to grow it to a new level. In pursuing this growth, another similar company was approached and successfully merged, creating a business that was double the size of either business in terms of both revenue and employees/contractors. This merger now meant that as CEO I was reporting to 3 owners, each of whom held executive positions within the business.

The new merged entity was progressing well with me driving a clear strategy and business plan using a balanced score card that consisted of new initiatives that fell under the areas of HR, systems and processes, marketing/sales, and introducing rigour into the financial aspects of the business including the appointment of a new CFO.

Unfortunately, economic circumstances meant that there was a market contraction in spending on the professional services that the company offered. Overheads needed to be reduced and it became clear that having 3 owners and a CEO, all with substantial salaries, meant that the business was ‘top heavy’. For the sake of the business, I recommended to the three owners that the CEOs position, being my position, be made redundant and that one of the Owners assume the CEO role, thereby significantly reducing management overhead. At first the owners resisted the recommendation, but after 3 weeks the decision was mutually agreed, and I left the organisation.

It was a lonely time. I knew that the business needed reduction in overhead. I had to take an objective third party view of the organisation and consider what the necessary reductions would be. As a professional services organisation, reducing costs effectively meant letting go people. The organisation was very lean in administration, so the only option was to let professional services providers go. This meant losing great talent who had the potential to produce revenue and profits as the economic conditions improved. Add to this, I knew that many of these people were not in a situation where they could deal with losing their jobs. I was compelled to reflect on the situation and make the difficult, but necessary decision to hand over to one of the owners and move on.

I am happy to report that the business weathered the economic conditions, going on to be the leader in their field, and ultimately was sold to a multinational professional services company which provided an excellent return to the owners and all stakeholders. It continues to be the market leader in its field to this day.

This is merely one example of similar instances that I have experienced as a CEO. I have had other instances where I have had to implement very difficult decisions for the sake of the company and its stakeholders. In another instance, to turn around a loss-making company, I lead an executive team to devise a new strategy that involved redirecting the business in the market and reducing the staff of the organisation by 25% because it had become bloated and over-resourced with expenses that were unsustainable. Unfortunately, this reduction included removing colleagues whom I held in deep regard and did not want to see leave. The strategy was successful and lead to the turn-around of the business, which went on to be merged with its major competitor, forming a company that continues to be the market leader in its field today.

To this day, whilst I know these, and similar decisions, that I have implemented were necessary, at a personal level I find them personally disturbing. I can verify first-hand that being a CEO is a lonely position, and these are merely a couple of examples.

How do you manage the loneliness?

There is no simple answer to this. As stated at the beginning of this Episode, if you are finding it difficult to cope, get professional assistance immediately.

Here are some suggestions that I have found helpful to deal with the loneliness that occurs from time to time as a CEO.

· Keep the big picture in mind. In the grand scheme of things, what is happening at any particular time in the organisation is actually a very small matter. The world will keep on going, the sun will come up tomorrow, and the universe will still be here no matter what you do. We have all witnessed the demise of businesses that seemed far too established to disappear, and yet they do. Interestingly, the void that they leave is filled by other organisations and offerings.

· You are not your job. Being a CEO is your position, not who you are as a person. You have been entrusted with the role to do the best you possibly can. Provided that you do all that you can to ethically fulfil the role, you are doing your duty. If things do not work out perfectly, you are still your own person and should be proud of who you are. You became a CEO based on your attributes, experience, skills, and knowledge. Listen to your response to the question “Who are you?” If you answer with your job title and your company, you have missed the point. A more suitable answer might be” “I am Insert Name. I am a widely experienced businessperson that loves life, my family, my friends, and contributing to the community. I enjoy challenges and am excited by opportunities. What do I do? Oh, I’m currently CEO at ….”

· Share the load. Great leaders ensure that they have strong teams of individuals that they can rely on to keep the organisation performing at its best. These teams are able to deal with the tough times along with the good times. Having a strong leadership team makes it a lot less lonely as CEO. Of course there will be decisions that must be made which you cannot share with your team, however if you have built a team of great people to lead and manage the business, they will come to you to support them with tough decisions rather than simply passing them to you to make the decision.

· Develop and nurture mentors. It is important to have people that you trust and highly respect to talk to on a regular basis, whether in good or bad times. The mentors may be people who have been, or are in, a similar position to you or someone that you respect for their life experience and demonstrated wisdom. They can assist you to take a different perspective and often just listen. It is amazing how verbalising a situation will lead you to arrive at a solution without the mentor even saying a word.

Your mentors don’t need to be ‘in person’. Seek out wisdom by learning about and from people through books, articles, various media, etc. I have found that by studying the work of great leaders, businesspeople, adventurers, philosophers, et al., you can find examples that they have successfully dealt with. You will settle on one or a few ‘virtual mentors’ that spring to mind regularly to offer you mentorship based on their examples/thinking. In various situations, you can think to yourself “What would Insert Name do in this situation?”

· Seek knowledge. Further to developing mentors, reading biographies and business journals, watching videos, attending lectures (whether physical or virtual), participating in forums etc. assists you with gaining a different perspective on the matters that you face as a CEO. Reading inspirational literature or watching inspiring videos/movies is like having a virtual mentor. There are so many great individuals that have overcome adversity to achieve magnificent results that immersing yourself in their stories will provide you with a background of their experiences that you can refer to as your events arise. These do not have to be contemporary; I recommend that you read Homer’s Odyssey for a background on leadership. Another excellent work is “The Practice of Management” written in 1954 by Peter Drucker.

· Pursue your passion in other areas. Being locked into the CEO role without a release in other areas is indeed lonely. Identify your passion and make time to pursue it regularly along with others that you enjoy being with. You may love to be part of a team sport, participate in charity groups, perform as an artist, get out and take photographs or enjoy being with your family, friends and loved ones. Whatever it is, make time for it and “just do it”! Remember, being CEO relies on you as a person, not just what you do at work.

· Set aside time for family and friends. It is so easy to get consumed in the CEO role at the expense of spending time with family and friends. If you are fortunate enough to have family, be sure not to take them for granted. Spending time with them is as refreshing as an oasis in a desert. There are those that believe that as you climb the ladder of success, you must leave behind those that are not on the same trajectory and surround yourself with similarly motivated people. Rubbish! Genuine friends are to be cherished. Certainly, rid yourself of negative people and naysayers, but cherish those that are your genuine personal friends, no matter what their ‘station in life’ is. Time with these people is ‘food for the soul’. Especially, if you are lucky enough to have a significant other, make quality time to devote to them!

· Stay fit and healthy. As an individual, all we have is our self. We live in our body/mind and it is up to us to ensure that it is in the best shape possible. Regular exercise and a healthy diet are essential for us to perform at our best. Being locked behind a desk, travelling, or in interminable meetings as a CEO can result in not eating properly, getting no exercise, and over imbibing alcohol, smoking, or other medications. I’m not suggesting that you emulate the life of a Monk, but ridding your body of the stress of dealing with toxins will pay dividends in your ability to deal with being a CEO and for your personal longevity. There is ample scientific evidence to support this.

The body and mind need proper nourishment along with the right level of exercise and rest. When you are exhausted or feeling ‘out of sorts’, it is easy to fall into a feeling of isolation simply because you do not have the energy to effectively communicate with others. Whilst you are exercising, your brain is receiving lots of oxygen and the mind is free to think. It is amazing how solutions to challenges pop into your mind while you are exercising or occur to you after you have had a good sleep after exercising.

I enjoy running and long walks. On various occasions, I have come up with an idea whilst out running at lunch time and caught up with one of my team to enthusiastically talk to them about my ‘brain wave’, only to have them say with a smile, “Have you been running again?” Some of those thoughts have produced $millions…

· Take vacations. Yes, you are important to the organisation but it must be able to operate in your absence. This comes back to having a strong team that leads the business under your support. Taking vacations means that you have arranged the organisation to be resilient to your absence. More importantly, by vacationing, you are reenergising yourself by spending time away from the stresses that can lead to a feeling of isolation.

· Be in touch with your spirit. Whether you are religious or not, it is important to be in touch with your ‘higher calling’. As stated earlier, you are not the job. Taking a philosophical view of things helps you to keep what you are facing in perspective. If you were suddenly no longer a CEO, you would still be you with a real purpose for being here. Continually reflect on your higher purpose so that you can operate as a CEO with confidence that you are doing the best job that you can which is a part of, but not the only, purpose in your life.

That is an overview of ways that I have dealt with the loneliness of being a CEO. It is by no means an exhaustive list of ways to deal with the loneliness that occurs from time to time as a CEO, but it does provide food for thought. Every situation is different however I have found in my dealings with CEOs, and observing countless others, that there is an underlying consistency that they all share with each other and the situations that I have experienced. We all like to think “But I’m different!”, and so you are, however, it is highly unusual that others have not dealt with similar circumstances to you, feeling just as lonely.

It is important to recognise that there will be lonely times and to work on your methods of dealing with those times. You may be alone in the role but you do not need to be lonely. Provided you actively seek others that can assist you, honestly communicate with them whilst ensuring confidentiality and continually working on ways to deal with the challenges, I have learned that you can excel as a CEO and not feel lonely.

Thanks for joining me for this episode of the CEO Thinking Podcast.

If you gained value from this episode, here are three actions for you to take.

· First click subscribe on Apple Podcast or on the app you use to listen to this podcast so you don't miss future episodes.

· Next, please leave me a review in your podcast app so that other listeners can learn how you'll gain value

· And finally, to help you use the ideas to drive your business, go to lseconsulting.net.au for the show notes and other resources you can use.

I'm Philip Belcher and I'll look forward to talking to you in the next episode.

Please contact LSE Consulting to find out how we can assist you in your CEO role or any other strategic business issues.

LSE Consulting is a specialist management consulting company. The purpose of the company is to assist business leaders to improve their organisation’s results, turn around underperforming businesses/business units and prepare for successful exit. The LSE Consulting method focuses on Leadership, Strategy and Execution, hence ‘LSE’, with a strong emphasis on business strategy aligned marketing and sales. The company was founded by Philip Belcher to assist business leaders through interventions that are based on his 30+ years’ experience in leading, turning around and successfully exiting businesses.

CEO Thinking

Loneliness as a CEO and how to deal with it.

Listen to this podcast on